Domestic Dynamics Enthusiast Pillows

"Would you have liked any help?"

"I need to talk about my inner life."

"You have a truly magnificent scowl!"

'Something is bothering you Roger. A wife can tell.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'I try to run my family like a democracy, but what I really need is a line-item veto.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

'Grandparents! This time last year I wasn't good enough to marry your daughter, but now I've fathered the brightest child in the universe!'