Domestic Dynamics Detective Pillows

"After you've finished doing what you're doing, could you not begin doing something else?"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

What are we doing today? Installing raised beds. Then we'll plant them for a couple who want organic vegetables. Brilliant, Dad. Tree's Tree Nursery. You take the hard work out of gardening. Right. And give it to me! Right again!

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

I think it's time he left home.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

Those missing socks...where do they go?

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

'Dear, would it be all right if I was assertive for a minute?'

'Another casualty of U.S. Rating agencies...'

"If Heather has two mommies, and each of them has two brothers, and one of those brothers has another man for a 'roommate,' how many uncles does Heather have?"

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'I tried to get him to reinvent himself, but he said he couldn't get a patent.'

Sex Equality

'Kenny,your mother and I have decided it's time you knew the truth - you're adopted.'

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

"Stop it, Mom!"

'Boy, your mother has a temper!'

Bloody Little Hitler

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

"First, I did things for my parents' approval, then I did things for my parents' disapproval, and now I don't know why I do things."

Jocasta Mothering.

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?' 'Why can't it be both?'

"I'll see if your mother would like something from the cheeseboard."

"You have a truly magnificent scowl!"

'Something is bothering you Roger. A wife can tell.'

"Wow! Wait'll I tell Dr. Feldman about this dream!"

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"