Domestic Dynamics Detective Gifts

"After you've finished doing what you're doing, could you not begin doing something else?"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

I think it's time he left home.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

Those missing socks...where do they go?

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

'Dear, would it be all right if I was assertive for a minute?'

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

"If Heather has two mommies, and each of them has two brothers, and one of those brothers has another man for a 'roommate,' how many uncles does Heather have?"

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

'Another casualty of U.S. Rating agencies...'

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'I tried to get him to reinvent himself, but he said he couldn't get a patent.'

Sex Equality

"Stop it, Mom!"

'Boy, your mother has a temper!'

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

"First, I did things for my parents' approval, then I did things for my parents' disapproval, and now I don't know why I do things."

Jocasta Mothering.

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?' 'Why can't it be both?'

'They like to call it 'parenting,' but it's just an outmoded seniority system.'

'His 'get-up-and-go' got up and went ages ago'

"You have a truly magnificent scowl!"

'Something is bothering you Roger. A wife can tell.'

"Wow! Wait'll I tell Dr. Feldman about this dream!"

"I'll see if your mother would like something from the cheeseboard."