Home Dynamics Humorist Pillows

"I want to rent my mother-in-law a room somewhere."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

Yard Sale

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"But I use all of them!"

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Carpet Cows

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'