Home Dynamics Humorist Mugs

I had hoped to file a missing persons report by now, but he won't leave.

"I want to rent my mother-in-law a room somewhere."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"But I use all of them!"

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

Carpet Cows