Domestic Humorologist Pillows

Stair Trap.

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"Were we expecting a baby?"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"Mulch madness"

Yard Sale

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"But I use all of them!"

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"The blow drier is broken."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'