Domestic Humorologist Pillows

Stair Trap.

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"Were we expecting a baby?"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"Mulch madness"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

Yard Sale

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"But I use all of them!"

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"The blow drier is broken."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'