Domestic Dispute Humorist Pillows

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

Always Compatible

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

"But I use all of them!"

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

'I'm really thirsty.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

His and Hernia's towels.

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

"I'm getting awfully tired of raking up you underwear..."

'A Dust Cow'.

Hi love...one less for tea tonight