Domestic Duty Commentator Gifts

'It's Mother's Day! Leave all this for tomorrow...'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

Always Compatible

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"But I use all of them!"

"You might want to save that for your blog."

Heavy-duty, super-capacity, two speeds, 10 cycles. All of them vicious.

Those missing socks...where do they go?

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

How it started: How it's going

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

"I'm getting awfully tired of raking up you underwear..."

"Dinner will be ready soon, I hear the pizza truck rounding the corner."

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

'Making a To-Do List is on my Bucket List.'

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

"Did you say something? I thought I heard a sound bite."

"Jordan takes his wife's wind chimes – he shoots!"

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

"Dinner's ready!" "I can't hear you!"

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'Shall I fry it or flush it?'

"Have we got time for a quick argument before our programme starts..?"

'I got custody of the kids.'

Woman has man in shopping trolley

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

Going Shopping Together.

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

"All I said was, 'I'll take out the garbage when I'm ready'."

The good news is, I'm granting your request for house arrest. The bad news is your wife's to-do list.

Obstacles for women

"Surely I'm allowed an opinion!"