Domestic T-Shirts

"Clark...is there something you'd like to tell me?"

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

'She'll never look for me here.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I don't do windows."

Ironing day.

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'He has his pet and I have mine.'

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

"Did I hear you use the phrase 'Earn my keep'?"

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

'The economy today got a boost from Alan Greenspan, who said it's O.K. to be irrationally exuberant.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

"You'll have to fetch your own slippers. The dog resigned."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

"Come on... you love knocking things off the counter!"