Being At Home Gifts

'...he's the same as ever, not been there, never don it, never bought a T-shirt...'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

Couple sitting in living room reading books while dog reads a book with a cat shaped cover.

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"Let's finish off our night of being productive by starting another season."

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

"I thought we could just stay home tonight and pupate."

"We've decided to live together."

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

Santa's wash day.

"Just the slippers is fine!"

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

'That was quite a snow storm last night.'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"This is what I call a home entertainment centre."

"I'm not the only one who hates you changing the channel every second. Now when you want to watch TV, the remote escapes."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'Mummy, can you please pull the curtain and make it dark please? I'm scared of the light...'

'Anything good on the telly tonight? Yes dear the vase!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

Zack Brillard and Live-In Companion

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

The following story is based on actual events.