Stay-at-home Gifts

We never go out anymore.

Five Stages of Lockdown

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Hassled Mother.

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

Keeping occupied in lockdown

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

"I thought we could just stay home tonight and pupate."

'sugar and spice my eye.'

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

"I sense a lot more going on with you than 'house-husband."

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

"Look at the state of this place! Don't you ever use that thing to sweep up?!"

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

Mums coffee morning

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

"At 11 am Josh has maths, Oli has history, Sarah has English, and I have zumba. 4 classes, 3 devices."

"Hibernate sounds better than binge watch."

Working from Home: In/Still In

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'