Home Life Gifts

"I tried working at home, but my wife didn't like me performing colonoscopies in the dining room."

"They're back! They're back! How do I look? Oh, never mind! Never mind!"

I only asked you to make a cup of tea, that doesn't need a risk assessment first...

'I'm not sure that this degree of competition is entirely healthy.'

"Sorry I'm late. I got caught up at home being happy."

'I know the younger generation are living at home longer these days, but you're not exactly the younger generation anymore son!'

Bedtime Real Estate Distribution (for dog owners)

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"Remember when we thought the pandemic was only going to last a couple of weeks."

Blanket Pull

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'I don't take telemarketing calls during dinner time. Can I call you back during your dinner time?'

Punchline: Another weekend ruined by an unexpected houseguest.

'It's disgraceful the way they build houses so close together!'

Making new friends in the age of self-isolation

'With the kids back home and unemployed, it's hard to believe I ever suffered from empty nest syndrome.'

"Oh, great. Humble Beginnings."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

The Smiley Face at home.

"I guess I really was spending too much money on lattes."

"You don't understand, Mom. Our staying in and watching TV is not the same as you and Dad staying home and watching TV in Dayton, Ohio."

Dog thumping tail on floor, man below thumping ceiling with broom.

'Let's just see how long they can stay crouched behind the sofa.'

'Don't you think you're spoiling Tiddles?'

"Know what we need? We need a house wine."

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight - I have too good a parking sport."

"That's my new baby brother. He's a floor model."

'Mr. Harrison won't be coming into the office today.'

'Oh,do grow up - dinner wasn't that late.'

Wife to husband whose turned into a pile of seed: 'If you exercised more, this wouldn't have happened.'

'Your son, running screaming from the real world, is home.'

"Damn, Toto! We're back in Kansas!"

"Of course you've never had a car accident, we never go anywhere."

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."