Domestic Life Gifts

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

"I'm going away for the weekend. Would you mind feeding my husband?"

"It's the dog."

'Matrimonial Harmonics'

"I'm sorry Bob. After you disappeared, I made a new life with Fred."

'We've decided to forgive you.'

"Oh, sure, I remember him. He was quiet, mostly kept to himself, paid the rent on time. You know, we were only married for sixteen years."

'I said you wash and I'll dry!'

"When I first met Howard, he had a touch of class. As it turns out, it was just a touch."

Hi honey, I'm hone. Yes dear, I know. You're retired.

'Good Morning!'

'Your copy of 'Bitter Housewife Monthly' arrived.'

Lady to caveman: 'Watch your step - I just waxed the stalagmites.'

"The problem with you, Stanley, is you're in denial but you won't admit it."

Sex Equality

"Do you know how distracting it is when you spin the chamber on that revolver?"

'The 'man of the house' is out getting her hair done.'

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

"When you say "Someone doesn't know how to put a paper towel over a bowl of chili to re-heat in the nuker", I know you mean me."

These colours haven't just run. They've sprinted!

'How many times do I have to tell you... The T.V. is broken!'

"All I said was, 'I'll take out the garbage when I'm ready'."

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

'This is a bag of my washing for you to get started on.'

'Get out of bed. It's nearly eleven.' - 'No, go away.' - 'Get out of bed or else!' - '...or else what?' - '...or else I turn your coat hangers the wrong way around.' - 'Okay! Wait! Wait! I'm up!'

"You can't expect me to be dependable all the time!"

"The dishes are done. You can come out now."

'It was a symbiotic relationship, one that had evolved over thousands and thousands of days'

"Got a deer."

'Let's not let some silly carpet come between us being best friends, Carl...'

'Well, dear, I did tell you to stay out of my way when I'm vacuuming!'

'Ronald!! You're home early - uh, this isn't what it looks like!'

'Fold those trousers properly...'

Dating Agency: "I am looking for a man whose hobbies are, washing up, dusting and ironing."