Homelife Gifts

"My CV. In case a spot opens up in the house."

"Okay, you have my attention."

Welcome Home from the Dog.

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Dog Walking Services

Hungry child

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"Man's best friends."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

Self-Isolating. Do Not Disturb (Except For Food).

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'