Holy Text Collector Gifts

Book Signing: All-time Best Selling Book, Meet Author Today.

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

John Bunyan

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Trueman Dewayne Lafayette: collector of the imaginary,

Meet the Author

Holy Bible

Who's Dead

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

'I've been knocking for ages!'

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

'Nobody told me anything about pre-registraton!'

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

Things you say when you are officially old...

"We only have the Bible."

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

'Look, thanks for your concern, but I think a flood is something we can cope with!'

Safer Torah

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

'Take the advice of an old sea dog, Lad. Never provoke a fight with the phrase, 'You want a piece of me?''

Prompts on the Antiques Roadshow.

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"Ow! Rotten stinking sky!!"

'Can you get them on an e-reader?'

"We met online."

"Get your one-of-a-kind burial cloth of Jesus!"

"I think we'll put it out as a self-help guide."

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'

"One of you shall betray me - Four of you shall get book deals."

'He's not a patient. He's an antique collector. He's interested in the magazines in our waiting room.'

Jesus walks on water just as Moses parts the sea.

"Weird. It says we'll all die this year."