Holy Text Collector Pillows

John Bunyan

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

Trueman Dewayne Lafayette: collector of the imaginary,

Meet the Author

Holy Bible

Who's Dead

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

'I've been knocking for ages!'

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

Things you say when you are officially old...

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

'Nobody told me anything about pre-registraton!'

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"We only have the Bible."

'Look, thanks for your concern, but I think a flood is something we can cope with!'

Safer Torah

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

'Take the advice of an old sea dog, Lad. Never provoke a fight with the phrase, 'You want a piece of me?''

Prompts on the Antiques Roadshow.

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"Ow! Rotten stinking sky!!"

"We met online."

'Can you get them on an e-reader?'

"I think we'll put it out as a self-help guide."

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'

"One of you shall betray me - Four of you shall get book deals."

'He's not a patient. He's an antique collector. He's interested in the magazines in our waiting room.'

The early bird got more than anticipated this morning.

"Weird. It says we'll all die this year."