Holy Homilist Gifts

"No, a question period will not follow!"

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Night-time halo

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Golfing Bishop.

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Monk on the beach

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

Priest with Christian symbol

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

'We are gathered here...'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Airports.

"Holy Mackerel!"

How's my Sermon . . .

'Man, I'm bombing,'

Angels shopping in a store called "Heaven Pharmacy: Self-serve"

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"Holy water, holy water...."

'World's Greatest Dad'

The Bible, signed copy.

"Then the angel Gabriel said to Joseph in a dream.. 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall call Him Emmanuel." "I thought His name was Jesus!?".

Emergency Bible for deathbed conversions only.