Homily Humorist Gifts

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I wonder if he's talking to me?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

Night-time halo

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Pope tarts.

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Sermon Applause.

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Noah, what do you think are the most dangerous animals you've brought abroad the ark?"

Priest with the Pet Devil.

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

'Golly, is it that time already?'