Holiday Myth Buster Gifts

It happened on Christmas Eve

"There are never sleigh tracks on our roof, or soot tracks on our carpet. Maybe you're just fake news?"

'Yeah, I'm sorry to break it to you bud, that eating grass thing is a myth!'

'I hate all holidays!'

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

Yep the kids are loving the hotel they've made lots of new friends.

'How can anyone seriously believe that we sleep standing up and with our eyes open ,,,, Hello'

"My new day job is killing me."

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

'The walrus wasn't Paul! It was really me, Murray! And I think it's high time the world knew the truth!'

'How do I celebrate Spring? Cinco de Vino.'

"Look, Phil, I can see your shadow!"

'Sorry I'm late, miss. My alarm clock overslept.'

Meter Maid

T'was the night before the night before Christmas.

Santa's elevator

'Why not just serve Thanksgiving dinner in the shoe department next year and be done with it??'

"I'll have an extra large conspiracy burger with anti-semitism, plenty of racism, stupidity and a load of crap."

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

"If this toy was made by Santa's elves at the North Pole, how come it says 'Made in China'."

"You know, at any given moment, you're not more than 6 ft away from one of them."

'For the last time...turn that light off and go to sleep!'

"There are more things I'm ungrateful than grateful for. Why can't we have a holiday for that?"

Christmas Sale Special

'Hello, music production limited? I played your CD's backwards five or more times but I couldn't hear a single satanic message!'

Santa Claus doesn't exist because he got eaten up by zombie elves.

The three semi-wise men actually rode alpacas and carried knitted gifts of sweaters, sox and underwear to the arid desert village of Bethlehem...

"I guess this explains why everybody has had to buy their own Christmas presents since we were kids."

'Just attack him and steal the dang club, Vince! That 'rub the belly' thing is just a myth!'

"Bah, humbug! It's not just for Christmas anymore."

"I want to believe in Santa Claus, but it's tough in this post-fact, fake news era."

"What about letting your hair air dry?"

"Bearing in mind that Santa has fact checkers, have you been a good little boy?"