Holiday Apiarist Gifts

Santa comes out of a smoker into a bee hive.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

Honey Wallah

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

Comb Sweet Comb

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

'Don't you love these all you can eat buffets?'

Bees Are Social Creatures.

"Think about the honey."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'I need a hive with 50,000 bedrooms.'

'You were fired from your last job when they caught you putting artificial sweetener in your coffee.'

'Ooops. Look at it this way: you won't have to worry about bee mites infesting your colonies now.'

"I like keeping bees, but it's so hard keeping all their names straight."

Employee of the month...

Worker Bees and Unemployed Bees

DNA Xmas.

'When you said you were a bee keeper...'

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

Christmas Canapes

'Sure, beekeepers bees' pollinate billions of dollars worth of crops every year, but what's their firepower?'

'Do you love me for my mind or for my bees?'

'I think I've found what's causing the radio's funny buzzing sound.'

'I'm sorry, Buzzy, but we're downsizing the hive...'

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

Beekeeping 101

Mother's Day at the Hive

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

Bee Astronaut Mired in the Honey Moon.