Holiday Apiarist Pillows

Santa comes out of a smoker into a bee hive.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

Honey Wallah

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

'Don't you love these all you can eat buffets?'

Bees Are Social Creatures.

"Think about the honey."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'I need a hive with 50,000 bedrooms.'

'You were fired from your last job when they caught you putting artificial sweetener in your coffee.'

"I like keeping bees, but it's so hard keeping all their names straight."

'Ooops. Look at it this way: you won't have to worry about bee mites infesting your colonies now.'

Worker Bees and Unemployed Bees

Employee of the month...

DNA Xmas.

'I'm sorry, Buzzy, but we're downsizing the hive...'

'Do you love me for my mind or for my bees?'

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

Christmas Canapes

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

'Sure, beekeepers bees' pollinate billions of dollars worth of crops every year, but what's their firepower?'

'I think I've found what's causing the radio's funny buzzing sound.'

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'When you said you were a bee keeper...'

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

Beekeeping 101

Mother's Day at the Hive

Bee Astronaut Mired in the Honey Moon.

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'