Hoarding Humorist Gifts

The Collector's Corner

"After this, we'll set down some traps. That should deal with the rest of them."

The Tooth Fairy soon realized that her collection of teeth had gotten out of hand. She was a hoarder and needed help.

Of course it's filled with my old skins, it's my shed.

'Steven! Those nuts are for guests! Stop hiding them!'

"We do have a wonderful art collection, but it has taken over somewhat: We either need to have a bower or get professional help..."

"Oh, it's not food, it's my money: I don't trust banks..."

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

"This pandemic's made me stop, reflect and think about the important things in life - the things we forgot to panic buy and hoard!"

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

"I think we've hit peak rock."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Sorry I locked us out of the ship but if waving this cloth we found makes you happy. . . I'll be happy to do it."

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

"Enough with the garage sales, Harold."

"If we get a bigger place, we'll just accumulate more giraffes."

"Did you hear? It turns out old power cords are really valuable! Good things Dad kept them!"

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"I plan to retire when bank robbery becomes legal!"

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

"Honey, are you hoarding lawyers again?"

"He is so gross: He is a hoarder you see, and keeps all his old skins..."

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'If it's my food supply for the winter then its different from hoarding.'

'Maybe I shouldn't put 'instant cooling' on maximum.'

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

"Oh, good! Lucille is sending me some stuff!"

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"We saved all your old diapers."

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."