Historical Jokes Gifts

'Sure, but I'm the one who has to SKIN it!'

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

The Trojan Beagle.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

Richard the Turd

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

"Why T-Rexes do not play volleyball..."

They discover fire and we spend all day cooking!

'We're getting closer - That's a goldfish.'

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

Gladstone Gives Disraeli a Bloody Nose over Schleswig-Holstein

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

Mistress Talking to Maid

"Oh that's just great! You remembered how to make fire. I'm so impressed!"

Jurassic Ark

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'This one is for not making a pre-emptive strike against anyone questioning our authority to make pre-emptive strikes.'

Vlad the Impaler - The Later Years.

The old colonel wished he was in the land of cotton.

My latest invention -- "The Comedy Club".

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'Oh darn........I forgot The Alamo!'

"Good idea. Bad execution."

'It wasn't like this when I left it!'

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

'To be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up with all this new technology.'

Nazi to unicorn: "You're not coming out with me dressed in that ridiculous outfit."

'It was his last request. 'Once around the park'.'

Prehistoric Cigarette Lighter

Computer announces to user: 'You now have more files than Al Capone had under his pillow in Alcatraz.'

'I went to my girlfriend's cave for dinner, and everything was going fine until I stepped on her father's tail.'

Early origins of 'lowbrow'.

'Uncle Oog isn't very smart, but he's a lot of fun to play horsie with.'

'You paid three goats for this? Robertus Parkerus only rated it LXXIV.'