Historical Hijinks Gifts

The Jerry Scarer

Archimedes statue with a lever

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

"Skate or die."

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

Richard the Turd

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

Cave lady about cave boy with big rolling stone: 'Here comes Junior with his report card.'

"Oh that's just great! You remembered how to make fire. I'm so impressed!"

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

'What can you give me for my liver?' 'A pound of onions!'

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

Useless-memory lane

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

The invention of baseball.

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

Inventor of the First Ceiling Fan: 'Almost There.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

Ancient man

Saint Gustaf, patron of pranksters and practical jokers. Martyred by angry mob in 725.

'She think we're waiting out here in this sun? Hot-wire this sucker!'

Vendor is the knight: knight sells hotdogs.