Healthcare Hijinks Gifts

'...this x-ray shows that your husband took a surgical instrument fromt he operating room.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

The Jerry Scarer

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'Well we could operate. That would give you something to talk about. But that would get old quick, and them you'd be even more boring.' Why the dull rarely seek help.

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

'You'll be happy to know there's nothing wrong with you. That will be four thousand, three hundred and eighty two dollars.'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"5 second rule!"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

'What can you give me for my liver?' 'A pound of onions!'

'We've noticed just about every patient you've tested has elevated blood pressure.'

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"