Quirky Healthcare Gifts

"Not yet, one day I expect there will be chocolate covered statin tablets..."

'It's kidney stones.'

'Take 20 teaspoons of this medicine every 2 hours for your sore throat.'

"Please tell me you just ate a bucket of eels."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

Quick! 5-second rule!

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

A Mom and Pop Operation

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

Selling salt lick lollipops to reindeers.

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'When you said you are a hammer-toe specialist . . .'

'We've noticed just about every patient you've tested has elevated blood pressure.'

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

'You're not my usual doctor.'

Obstetrician's office: Innies and Outies.

"Now just relax and leave everything to Doctor Jones here. He's the best there is in the entire medical field of quackupuncture."

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.

'It's a wonderful new drug...a sort of injectable garlic.'

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

'...this x-ray shows that your husband took a surgical instrument fromt he operating room.'

Sewing for Dummies.

Fakir on bed of nails reads an 'Acupuncture' book.

This might sting a little.