Hospital Hijinks Explorer Gifts

'Always the last place you look.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Just give me the truth, Doc...I can tell when you're trying to humor me."

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

"Everyone loved working with Doctor Patel... Beer!"

"Good?"

Doctor and nurse having a chat.

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'I can't turn it off.'

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

'BOy! Talk about organ rejection!'

"5 second rule!"

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

'This is nurse Rochester, if there's anything worrying you she's the person to share your concerns with so that they get recorded and filed properly.'

'It seems your heart replaced the 'Boom-Boom' beat with a funny ringtone!'

'I'm afraid the surgeon couldn't perform your operation, because you weren't wearing clean underpants.'

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

'The good news is the diseases you've mangaed to avoid far outnumber the diseases you've got.'

"Emergoplatzkyduble." "Bori gluk!"