Hospital Hijinks Explorer Pillows

'Always the last place you look.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'Here's one I made earlier!'

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

"Just give me the truth, Doc...I can tell when you're trying to humor me."

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

"Everyone loved working with Doctor Patel... Beer!"

"Good?"

Doctor and nurse having a chat.

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

'I can't turn it off.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

'BOy! Talk about organ rejection!'

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

'This is nurse Rochester, if there's anything worrying you she's the person to share your concerns with so that they get recorded and filed properly.'

'It seems your heart replaced the 'Boom-Boom' beat with a funny ringtone!'

'I'm afraid the surgeon couldn't perform your operation, because you weren't wearing clean underpants.'

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

"Emergoplatzkyduble." "Bori gluk!"

'The good news is the diseases you've mangaed to avoid far outnumber the diseases you've got.'

'...this x-ray shows that your husband took a surgical instrument fromt he operating room.'