Hipster Gourmet T-Shirts

Gentrification of the fridge

Au Naturel Restaurant

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The Main Types of Cheese

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

Too much cilantro

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Cheese

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'