Modern Gourmet T-Shirts

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Listen, you. I'm in the mood for some frozen food."

Molecular Gastronomy Restaurant.

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Cookbooks

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

The Main Types of Cheese

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

To do before Saturday...

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

Too much cilantro

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."