Grocery Gourmet T-Shirts

'My New Year's resolution is to eat more fruits and vegetables.'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

LAY ZEE FUK

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Cookbooks

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

French wine

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

To do before Saturday...

The Main Types of Cheese

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."