Hibachi Humorist Gifts

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Vlad the Impala

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

"Right here's fine."

What's an Imax cave?

The discovery of asparagus.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"The Eggsorcist"

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

This side is the gag reel.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.