Hibachi Humorist Pillows

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Vlad the Impala

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"The Eggsorcist"

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

Emergency Hipster Beard

The discovery of asparagus.

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"Right here's fine."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

The Fall of Gnome

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Stonehenge Explained

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.