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For Witches of a Certain Age

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Mom's Spa'

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"

"How many more times, you've got hayfever, so no, you can't have any cannabis oil."

"I'm not feeling well. I'm picking up a few things at my pharmacy."

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

"It's all locally-sourced, made from scratch."

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

Garlic, the wonderful stinking rose.

Natural Medicines

'It appears to be a side effect of the herbal eye drops you're using.'

"Lay off the natural remedies. You're beginning to ferment."

Alternative medicine

'I hope this alternative Chinese medicine works!'

Itchy Bum? WD-3000.

"The pharmacist will be with you shortly to answer any questions that you have."

'It appears to be a side effect of those herbal eye drops you've been using.'

"Please escort Miss Delgado to the private waiting room. She's curing my patients again."

"Yo, Mr. 'Knight of the Round Table' — this isn’t cilantro, it’s parsley."

'Have you tried Lourdes?'

1999 Influenza Chic.

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

Hippy fighting off medicine.

Pinocchio Acupuncture.

"I appreciate your researching solutions on the Internet, but there is little evidence to show twig broth and changing will help your condition."

'I think it's 'feed a cold'...not 'drown a cold'!'

"Penicillin? I'm sorry – I don't practice alternative medicine."

"I tried a traditional Chinese herbal remedy for writer's block and it worked great. I wrote four new chapters in two days. Unfortunately, it was all in Chinese and I can't read Chinese."

'Chicken soup? That's what my doctor prescribed?'

'I think it is a side effect of the herbal shampoo you're using.'

"I've searched every book, also the Internet, so in desperation...I've come to you, doctor!"