Hellbound Humorist Gifts

666 Hades Circle

"Running out for lawyers and CEOs. Want anything?"

'Now, cut that out!'

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

Basketball injuries.

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

Hellbillies.

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

Sir Gilbert Murgatroyd

Special Place in Hell...

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

"Is everything ok? You've hardly said 'Boo' all evening."

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

When rednecks and techies network.

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

'Five minutes, Jean-Paul.'

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.