Hedge Perfectionist Gifts

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

"First time pruning?"

Bullseye!

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

"Beware of God"

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

Perfection

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

"It's called being preemptive."

'this is the only place where no one is fooling around with the genes.'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

Santa's Out Tray.

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

"In this series, the artist is in dialogue with her printer."

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

"You're welcome."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

Desk trays - 'Do it' and 'Do it right this time'.

Wanting his picnic with Gwen to be perfect, Hal made sure they would not be bothered by ants.

"...And then beyond the lawn, a lily pool with fountains and..."

"Let's go, this is definitely a manicured lawn: we won't find clover or dandelions here..."

Woman trying to straighten a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Bazzini & Sons Lawn Service: 'We don't cut corners'.

Secateurs/Non-Secateurs.

"Come on, we're late. Your crosshatching looks fine."

"Sir, you may find this book very helpful, too."

"I'm desperate, John. Please lend me your lawnmower."