Lawn Perfectionist Gifts

Greener grass.

"...And then beyond the lawn, a lily pool with fountains and..."

Bazzini & Sons Lawn Service: 'We don't cut corners'.

"Let's go, this is definitely a manicured lawn: we won't find clover or dandelions here..."

"Make a note, Henderson: 'May 4, 9:02 a.m. Unauthorized plant life again growing at random on lawn outside main entrance corporate headquarters. Spoiling symmetry and tranquility. Breeding confusion. Have said plants removed and incinerated soonest. Eyes only.' Original to Maintenance copies to Accounting and Security. And this time, Henderson, let's not have any leaks to the damn secretarial pool."

"First time pruning?"

"Oh for God sakes -- just mow the lawn yourself."

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

"And your fathers killing the moss in the lawn"

Sign, Keep off.

"I'm desperate, John. Please lend me your lawnmower."

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

The real reason why 'the grass is always greener.'

"His grass really is greener!"

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

'Ok..Ok...I'm putting the lawnmower back in the shed!'

'Congratulations! Our yard's been declared a national wilderness area!'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

A man repeatedly pulls the start cord on his lawn mower until it falls apart.

"Can you cut the grass but leave the daisies?"

"Mulch madness"

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

Three different categories of lawnmower.

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'George! This way quick!'

The Scottish Lawn

Beware of the Lawn

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

'Al's Lawn Care Service: There's no crabgrass too crabby for us!'

"It's called being preemptive."

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'