Healthcare Hound Gifts

'I'd say it's a fungal infection.'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."

"Consider yourself chased."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'No need to shout.'

'Good dog!'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Hip Hop Physician: 'Put a halt on salt and cut back on fat. Are you down with that?'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

Kicking out Covid

'I don't think the Doctor will be able to see any more patients today!'

'Fred, we've been together too long!'

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

Playing with the dog with a boomerang.

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'Which? Covid-19 Variant' Guide.

Canine Scent-ipede

"And yet, I too am a still life."

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

'I knew him before he became a police dog!'