Healthcare Hound T-Shirts

'I'd say it's a fungal infection.'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Sick

News and Magazines. Tax Bill Debate. The trickle-down can never compete with siphon-up.

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."

"Consider yourself chased."

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'No need to shout.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

'Good dog!'

Quick! 5-second rule!

Hip Hop Physician: 'Put a halt on salt and cut back on fat. Are you down with that?'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Kicking out Covid

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'I don't think the Doctor will be able to see any more patients today!'

'Fred, we've been together too long!'

Playing with the dog with a boomerang.

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

Canine Scent-ipede

'Which? Covid-19 Variant' Guide.

"And yet, I too am a still life."

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'