Health Hound Gifts

Hip Hop Physician: 'Put a halt on salt and cut back on fat. Are you down with that?'

"He can't have that, or anything else he likes. I'm on a diet."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

The Circular Logic of Fascism

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."