Vintage Health Enthusiast Gifts

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

Sir Winston Churchill

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Second hand furniture.

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"If you wish to manifest here, you'll have to change. We don't allow anything past 1950."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Your reflexes are still good!'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Corona Funeral

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept