Vintage Health Enthusiast Pillows

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Sir Winston Churchill

Shoe Shine/Lace Tie

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

Second hand furniture.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"If you wish to manifest here, you'll have to change. We don't allow anything past 1950."

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

Corona Funeral