Hospital Hound Gifts

'The good news is we were able to re-attach your severed hand.'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Dancing Doctor

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'What's holding him up?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Medical Examinations.

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Very funny!'

"You call all this a side effect?"

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'I would have come to you sooner, but you hadn't graduated from medical school yet.'

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.

'It's the only way he'll take his medicine.'