Healthcare Comedy Lover Gifts

'The restraints are for your own protection, Mr.Norris. We're concerned that if you rung the nurses station once more, they'll strangle you.'

"I'm not sure what's wrong with you. We'll have to wait for the results to come back from the autopsy."

"Oh my, no ..I don't actually treat anyone anymore.. With the cost of malpractice insurance, I send them all to specialists!"

"The good news is that the number of patients complaining about their care has gone down...the bad news is that it's because they're all dead!"

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"Visiting hours are over Mrs. Jones..."

'Weeell. . . looks like you've got a mullet infection.'

'If his mask scared you, just wit 'till you get his bill.'

"Hopefully he'll be up by morning - I gave him a laxative!"

'I was stuck in traffic for two hours on the way here, so I have my urine sample ready.'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Time for your pills.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

The importance of paying attention in med school.

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

Robot surgery.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'Snap out of it.'

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'