Health Regime Change Gifts

Health Regime Change: No Fry Zone

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

'Doctors are all booked up. Nurse is busy. The best I can do is offer to type your symptoms into Google.'

'Nevermore.'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'

'Never mind another doctor -- I'm referring you to the Bureau of Weights and Measures.'

"Well, put it this way - A semi-colon is better than a full stop."

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

'Along with the gusto, you also grabbed high blood pressure and big time cholesterol.'

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body. . ."

'Frankly I'm looking for a doctor I won't outlive and have to change to another.'

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

A Woman Using a Mirror to Discover Her Weight.

The trouble with trying to quit smoking.

New in fitness: Health club truancy officers.

"We are able to extend your life for another two weeks, but you must eat wisely and get plenty of exercise."

'I want to eat healthy food, but it takes green to eat green.'

'And ask the chef to run his blender as he cooks that steak. My doctor has put me on a liquid diet.'

'Which is worse - no pre-existing condition coverage. . . or no health insurance?'

'What you need is some negative growth.'

Injured heart.

"This must be the transparency he promised."

'Do the patches help?'

"Not tonight, dear. I have a head injury."

Concerned patient looking at his chart.

'...So one day I just decided to walk away from my mortgage and, well... one thing led to another...'

"The Lord's 7-step weight-loss program works in mysterious ways."

'The Health Dept. takes a great leap forward.'