Health Monitoring Pillows

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

"George likes to watch his health."

'This little gadget monitors my blood pressure, my pulse, and the performance of my very sleek designer running shoes.'

Patient comparing his charts to text books.

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be dead!"

'It has my horoscope, my heart rate, and my cholesterol level.. but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

'It has my horoscope, heart rate and cholesterol level...but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

'He can sit there and watch his heart rate monitor for hours.'

"It's a gift from my doctor. Instead of temperature, time and humidity, it measures blood pressure, pulse and respiration."

"Well, my fitness band told my doctor how lazy I've been since my last visit. How do I turn on privacy on this thing?!!!"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

What the Doctor Ordered

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Lactose Intolerant

'Well, well, well...'

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

PSA Banter.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."