Health Tracker Pillows

Man is dumber because of his smartwatch.

'I have yopur lab results. Some of your readings are too high and some are too low. No, they don't balance out.'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"He has an unhealthy obsession with health apps."

Woman and scales.

"When I said I needed to look at your diet I meant a list!"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

'Weird ... the footprints just seem to end right here.'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole my steps!"

'Put it under my microscope!'

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

'Is there something you're not telling me, Doctor?'

"What? The goal wasn't to see it go down, just not to see it go up."

"Well, my fitness band told my doctor how lazy I've been since my last visit. How do I turn on privacy on this thing?!!!"

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'There's something about that Indian scout I don't trust.'

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

'We'll put our horses in 'Do Not Track' mode by going through this stream bed.'

'It has my horoscope, heart rate and cholesterol level...but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

Body weight app on mobile

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."

"It's 10000 steps a DAY, not a YEAR!"

"I guarantee that your appetite will be suppressed if you take just one of these diet pills per day."

'Took me all night to write that message.'

'To tell you the truth I don't what it is.'

'I've been watching what I eat. Have you got anything for tired eyes?'

Abrupt end to Red Feather's scouting career.