Health Tracking Pillows

"What? The goal wasn't to see it go down, just not to see it go up."

"According to fitbit, I've lost 80 pounds."

Life before fitness trackers.

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole my steps!"

'Put it under my microscope!'

Woman and scales.

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

'Is there something you're not telling me, Doctor?'

"Well, my fitness band told my doctor how lazy I've been since my last visit. How do I turn on privacy on this thing?!!!"

"How passe, darling, everyone I know is re-toxing these days!"

Covid-19 vaccine - locally-sourced $50 /shot

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

'I have yopur lab results. Some of your readings are too high and some are too low. No, they don't balance out.'

'It has my horoscope, heart rate and cholesterol level...but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."

"It's 10000 steps a DAY, not a YEAR!"

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

"The day had not started well... he had woken too grumpy to even complain."

Body weight app on mobile

"Thank goodness I was getting my share prices confused with my resting heart rate."

"I WAS feeling fine but then the health app on my watch said I might be DEAD."

"Forget 10,000 steps. I've programmed it to help me reach 10,000 dollars a day."

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be dead!"

"When I said I needed to look at your diet I meant a list!"

'I'm in a good mood bad mood.'

Man is dumber because of his smartwatch.

'This little gadget monitors my blood pressure, my pulse, and the performance of my very sleek designer running shoes.'

"Don't take time to smell the flowers anymore. The tests show you're allergic to them."

'He can sit there and watch his heart rate monitor for hours.'