Fitness Tracking Pillows

"Thank goodness I was getting my share prices confused with my resting heart rate."

"Ya, ya I know. But I only have 120 more steps to reach my daily goal."

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole my steps!"

"Afraid this whole section's barren. But, I got my 10,000 steps in!"

"I thought we'd do 5,000 steps a day on our walks, but it's more like 5,000 sniffs."

"It's an Apple watch I use it to count my step."

"This model is great. It monitors my heart rate, vitals and counts my blessings."

"Better get a move on, only 1,314,000 steps till Christmas."

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."

"He'll have the salad."

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

"It's 10000 steps a DAY, not a YEAR!"

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

All Natural Nothing

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"I'll get my 10,000 steps in tonight!"

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'Frank, I think it's about time you bought another pair of boots.'

Snail Coach

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

Woman and scales.

A detective and a dog are tracing footsteps and dog prints.

'Trust me, the deer have been here. I see tracks everywhere... and look! Fresh droppings!'

"What? The goal wasn't to see it go down, just not to see it go up."

Climate change meant that Norman was often finding his quarry far from the traditional hunting grounds.

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

You look tired, Rudy. Nah, I'm actually not tired. Why don't you go take a break. I'll man the counter for you. That's ok, Uncle Mort. Look at those bags beneath your eyes. And … are those wrinkles I see there? Did you know you age faster if you don't sleep? I'm on to you, Uncle Mort. You want me to step away so you can fix yourself an Espresso. Your doctors said no caffeine. You sound paranoid, Rudy. You're seeing duplicity everywhere. That's a symptom of sleep deprivation. I'm just thinking ab

'Boy, look at the size of those tracks. I bet he will go 300 pounds.'

'There's something about that Indian scout I don't trust.'

"Well done, yes, it's a skunk scent. Concentrate though, can you smell the faint trace of perfume? It's a female skunk..."