Weight Tracking Pillows

'Do you have to be so darn specific?'

Your Weight and Fortune Cookie - 1 Yuan.

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

All Natural Nothing

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'll get my 10,000 steps in tonight!"

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

Don't be surprised --- They always start out as quadrupeds.

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Scales

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

Fat man on scales.

"No, I'm still getting too much banjo."

Snail Coach

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'Frank, I think it's about time you bought another pair of boots.'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"